


You're Smiling (But I Don't Believe You)

by DelphiBlue



Category: Paradise Kiss
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Drugs, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love, Married Life, Poor Life Choices, Relationship(s), Romance, Slice of Life, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25830892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelphiBlue/pseuds/DelphiBlue
Summary: Yukari is older now, but she's still lost. Her two-year marriage to Hiro ended in divorce due to her work hard/play hard tendencies, and there's a numbness creeping inside of her that she can't seem to shake, no matter how much alcohol she drinks or how hard she pushes herself in her career. Someone has begun leaking explicit photos of Yukari's hard-partying lifestyle to the press, and now she's moving to America to clear her head and to let her drama in Japan cool down a bit. Yukari runs into someone from her past in LA. Maybe he can help her to find her way again like he did before, all those years ago?
Relationships: Hayasaka Yukari/Koizumi George, Nagase Arashi/Sakurada Miwako
Kudos: 4





	1. There was Not Enough of Me, To Keep You Always Company

**Author's Note:**

> tw:  
> date rape  
> nude photo leaks  
> alcoholism  
> drugs
> 
> This is my first fan fiction, so please leave some comments on what you think! Thanks!

Ch. 1

At first, things had been great between Hiro and Yukari. Better than great, perfect even. At first, everything had been perfect between Hiro and Yukari, but after the first year of marriage and the pink champagne haze of the honeymoon had worn off, Hiro had told Yukari that he felt alone, that she drank too much, that she prioritized her career over their relationship. Yukari had tried to hear him, but the incessant voice inside of her, the voice of her insatiable drive, the need to push forward at all costs, drowned him out and by their second year of marriage Yukari and Hiro were two strangers sharing a bed and Hiro had asked for a divorce. Yukari couldn’t fault him for asking and she let him go willingly. Hiro was too good of a man to trap in legal battles, and besides, Yukari didn’t have the time to fight for a marriage that couldn’t be saved. A part of her knew that she would always love Hiro. He was kind and warm and safe, but there wasn’t enough of Yukari to give Hiro the company and love he deserved. 

“Yukari, you’re amazing! Keep doing what you’re doing and we’ll be out of here in no time.”

Yukari snapped out of her reverie as the photographer’s voice reached her consciousness. She smiled shyly at the camera, hiding the deep, frigid numbness she felt saturating her core. She really had become a great actress. She was finishing promos for a Japanese rom-com about a lawyer who falls in love with a Yakuza crime boss called ‘The Court of Love’. It was a silly movie, but it was something to occupy her time and put her face on yet another billboard. Yukari couldn’t walk a block in Tokyo without seeing her face in some form of advertisement. 

“Yukari, you’re stunning and I think we got it. That’s a wrap on ‘The Court of Love’, folks!”

Yukari stepped out from behind the cameras at the sound of the director booming over the busy cast and crew. A handsome man in a nice suit approached her. Nakamoto Masato, he was Yukari’s agent. He was tall with chiseled good looks and broad shoulders. Yukari’s assistant, Mihara Shigeko, trailed behind him, dwarfed by his massive frame. She had Yukari’s schedule clutched tightly to her heart. 

“Congratulations.” Masoto’s voice was deep and almost purred, like black velvet. He handed a bottle of dark soda to Yukari. Yukari accepted it, took the lid off, and the smell of whiskey hit her in a forceful wave. She smiled at her agent and took a grateful sip. Masoto always knew what she needed. That was part of what made him a particularly good agent. She took another drink, this time longer, and felt the hum of alcohol drift melodically through her veins. 

“Thanks,” Yukari responded, making eye contact with Masoto and a sly smile playing upon her lips. She had started sleeping with Masoto a few weeks after Hiro left. He was convenient and easy. A good fuck. Jesus, when had she become so jaded as to refer to someone in such a way? Sometimes Yukari felt as if she had been abducted and an alien had taken over her body. She could barely recognize herself anymore. But still, Masoto never asked for anything from her, except for her to do her job, which was maybe the only thing Yukari could give to anyone at the moment. “What’s next?” She asked her team. Yukari needed to always be moving forward. 

Shigeko stepped out from behind Masoto’s large frame. She was small and shy with shoulder-length, mousy brown hair and always wore a pair of large round spectacles perched on her sloped nose. Yukari genuinely liked her assistant. She was quiet and efficient, qualities Yukari had grown to value. Shigeko cleared her throat. 

“You’ve been invited to the cast and crew wrap party at the director’s house tonight. It starts directly after everyone leaves the studio.” 

Masoto grinned and brushed a stray hair out of Yukari’s face. She flinched, though it was almost unnoticeable. A vision of her mother’s hand striking her face flashed through her mind. Yukari had warned Masoto before about showing too much affection in public. She was only newly divorced by a couple of months and being caught sleeping with her agent wouldn’t do her image any favors. She had worked to create a serious and clean professional reputation. Her personal life was strictly private. She couldn’t afford any damage to her career, but that didn’t stop Masoto from always pushing. He winked at her and took the soda from her hands, taking a large drink. 

“So, are we going to this party or what?” Masoto lived for parties. Yukari took the bottle back and swallowed more of the alcoholic liquid. 

“Of course we are.” She replied sweetly. She then knitted her brows and frowned slightly. “Oh, but I didn’t bring anything to wear and I can’t go in my street clothes. It’s already so late…” Shigeko nodded and turned to a clothing rack beside her and pulled a large garment bag off of the rack. 

“I thought you might say that, Miss Yukari, so I had a staffer go to your apartment and pick something up for you while you were shooting.” Yukari grinned.

“You’re the best, Shigeko! You deserve a raise.” Shigeko smiled slightly. 

“You should tell my boss that.” This was a small inside joke that played between the two of them often.

Masoto looked at his watch. 

“I’ll call the car around front for us. I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready.” He leaned in close to Yukari and whispered into her ear. “I have a surprise for you waiting in the car.” Yukari shivered at his breath against her pale skin and let her eyes watch Masoto as he walked away. He really was an attractive man. Shigeko watched their interaction with a stoic face.

“Miss Yukari,” Shigeko made determined eye contact with Yukari. “You should be careful with him. I’ve heard rumors about him from the other staffers. He’s not as nice as he pretends to be. I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Yukari knew Shigeko was being honest and good, and it said a lot about their relationship that Shigeko felt she could talk to her employer with such familiarity, but Yukari didn’t need her assistant’s advice about her hidden love life. Yukari didn’t want or need a nice man right now. She had already had a nice man, the nicest man, and she had ruined it. Yukari could feel the numbness once again climbing her insides. She took another swig of whiskey and felt heat blooming inside of her, swallowing the aching numbness. Yukari laughed. She had learned to cover the numbness with laughter and smiles.

“I’m always careful.” 

And she was always careful. She was careful to show up to work on time, always motivated and fresh-faced, no matter how hungover she was or what she had done the night before. She was careful with her image, always playing the part of a kind and grateful celebrity. She was especially careful to never promise more of herself to someone than she could afford to give. 

Yukari smiled at Shigeko and took the garment bag from her assistant. She entered the studio dressing room and began shedding her costume in layers until she was left bare with nothing but a pair of silk panties. She admired her tall, slender frame in the mirror. It was still perfect, free from blemishes and scars, her skin still a shining alabaster white. She turned to the dress bag Shigeko had given her. She unzipped the bag and watched as the cloth contents spilled out in front of her. She gasped at the dress. She would recognize this dress anywhere.

It was a ParaKiss dress. It was a dress George had made. 

She kept all of his creations in a large walk-in closet that was off-limits to staff. She couldn’t stand to look at them anymore. She was no longer the girl that George had loved long ago. Shigeko knew the closet was off limits. 

“Shijeko!” Yukari yelled, her voice tight and strained. Her heart was racing. This wasn’t happening. She could hear her assistant’s voice on the other side of the curtain.

“Miss Yukari, are you ok?” Shigeko wasn’t used to hearing such distress in her employer’s voice. Yukari pushed her arm through the curtain and pulled Shigeko into the large dressing room. Yukari’s eyes were shining with anger and Shigeko blushed at her employer’s naked form. 

“Where did you get this dress?” Yukari demanded. Shigeko frowned worriedly. 

“I told you, I had a staffer gather it from your apartment for you. I told her to pick out something pretty.” Yukari closed her eyes. Just looking at the dress made her eyes well. It felt like her heart was in her throat. “Is there something wrong with the dress, Miss Yukari?” Yukari sighed and tried to calm her fast-beating heart. It wasn’t Shigeko’s fault the staffer had gone into the off-limits closet. Yukari couldn’t even blame the staffer really. Who wouldn’t be attracted to George’s beautiful creations?

“This dress was given to me by someone I really cared about a long time ago,” Yukari swallowed the lump in her throat. “And it hurts to look at it.” She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “Did you possibly bring anything else to wear?” Shigeko bit her lip and shook her head softly. 

“I’m so sorry, Miss Yukari. I didn’t think to bring another dress.” Shigeko chewed on her lower lip worriedly. “It’s too late to go back to your apartment and pick up something else. Tokyo traffic at this time of night is a nightmare. You would never make it to the party on time and I already told the director you are attending.” Yukari smiled sadly to herself and looked at the dress still in the bag. It really was beautiful. Everything George made was beautiful. Everything George had ever touched was beautiful, except for her. She was still that silly drunk girl with nastiness spilling from between her lips. 

“I guess I have to wear it then.” She spoke softly. “Help me put this on would you, Shigeko?” Her assistant nodded deftly and helped Yukari step into the dress, raising it to her shoulders, and latching the few low buttons on her lower back. She stepped back. 

“Miss Yukari, you look gorgeous! You always look beautiful, but this dress looks as if it was made for you!” Yukari maintained her sad smile and pressed her palms against the lacey fabric. 

“It was made for me.”

Yukari admired her reflection. Shigeko was right. George’s dress knew every inch of her figure and hugged her tightly. The dress was made of dyed dark red lace and was slightly more solid than a negligee. It was backless with a large slit in the side and a long train. It was sexy. _George must have been in a mood when he made this_ , Yukari mused to herself. She turned to her assistant. “Take the rest of the night off. You deserve it. I’m sorry you had to see your boss naked and crying.” _That’s sexual harassment somewhere,_ Yukari thought darkly. 

Shigeko clutched Yukari’s schedule even tighter to her chest and gazed upon her with worried eyes. 

“Are you sure, Miss Yukari? I’m happy to stay longer if you need me.” Yukari patted Shigeko’s head lightly and smiled. 

“I need you to take a night off. Go have fun.” Yukari seriously doubted her assistant would take her advice, but she wished she would. 

After Shigeko left the changing room, Yukari scrambled to her purse and pulled out the stashed soda bottle she had hidden in the purse’s contents. She finished the rest of the bottle in three large, professional swallows. She did not want to feel, or remember, anything else for the rest of the night.


	2. Feel Like I Saw You Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukari is older now, but she's still lost. Her two-year marriage to Hiro ended in divorce due to her work hard/play hard tendencies, and there's a numbness creeping inside of her that she can't seem to shake, no matter how much alcohol she drinks or how hard she pushes herself in her career. Someone has begun leaking explicit photos of Yukari's hard-partying lifestyle to the press, and now she's moving to America to clear her head and to let her drama in Japan cool down a bit. Yukari runs into someone from her past in LA. Maybe he can help her to find her way again like he did before, all those years ago?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw:  
> date rape  
> nude photo leaks  
> alcoholism  
> drugs
> 
> This is my first fanfiction, so please leave some comments on what you think! Thanks!

Ch. 2

  
  


When Yukari finally arrived downstairs Masoto eyed her appreciatively. He had the chauffeured vehicle waiting for them and he opened the door for Yukari, allowing her to enter first. As soon as he slid in behind her and the door slammed shut, Masoto’s hands were on her waist and breasts, his lips on the crook of her neck. It almost felt sacrilegious in George’s dress. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands to myself all night.” He murmured against her skin. Yukari giggled and half-heartedly tried to push him away. 

“I’m afraid you’ll have to.” She turned her face to meet his and kissed him deeply. When she broke away, she asked, “So, where’s my present?”

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Masoto raised the divider between the driver and the back compartment. He reached into his back pocket and pulled a small bag of white powder, held gently between his fingers. 

Yukari’s stomach sank. 

“There’s more where this came from.” His voice rumbled low like thunder and Yukari could feel it vibrating through her like electricity. She shook her head. 

“You know I’m done with that, Masoto. It’s been six months.”

This was the side of herself that she had been the most careful with. She could never let the rest of the world know of her penchant for uppers, specifically cocaine. It was one of the reasons Hiro had left, though she didn’t like to think about it. After Parakiss had split, Yukari had been a woman constantly in motion. She was always striving to push her career forward and was constantly auditioning or out networking. Coke had given her more energy, had helped her to be more sociable, and had helped her to wake up motivated for work on sets after late-night parties. She quit after Hiro left. It took a divorce for Yukari to see she had a problem with the white substance. 

Masoto sighed and shook his head. 

“I know, I know. I just thought I would offer. I thought eventually you would get off of your high horse and be fun again.” Yukari furrowed her brows and set her chin stubbornly. 

“I’m plenty of fun and you know it.” Masoto laughed and reached towards a black bucket sitting by his feet. 

“Of course you are. Let me make it up to you. I brought champagne to celebrate the wrap of ‘The Court of Love’. Are you happy now, princess?” 

“Yes, I suppose so.” Yukari turned her head to stare out the tinted window, watching the scenery of Tokyo pass them by. After a beat, Masoto cleared his throat. 

“What do you think about making this official?” Yukari kept watching the scenery.

“Making what official, Masoto?”

“This,” he gestured vaguely with his hands. “Us, our relationship. What if we went public?” Yukari sighed deeply and turned to look at him. 

“We can’t go public, you know that. I just divorced Hiro, it’s too soon.” She toyed with lace from her dress, picking at it gently with her fingers. “Besides, there is no relationship between us. You’re my agent and my friend, and that’s it. I can’t give you anything else.” Yukari returned to face the window. She knew she had been harsh, but that was the way it had to be. Masoto had to know there was nothing left of her to give. Masoto was silent and the clinks of champagne glasses rang through the air as he filled them slowly. He handed a glass to Yukari. It fizzed viciously in her hand. “I’m sorry.” Yukari confessed.

He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a sheepish smile. 

“A man’s gotta shoot his shot, right?” Yukari smiled slightly and Masoto clinked his glass with her’s. “But enough about me. Tonight we’re celebrating your continued success.” Yukari sipped delicately at first, and then tilted her head back and let the glass’s entire contents slip down her slender throat. 

“Go me.” She reached her glass back towards Masoto. “More please.”

The party was typical of the Japanese celebrity film industry. The house was dark and dimly lit by neon lights. Electronic music pulsed through the mansion. On Yukari’s arrival she could hear other guests whispering about George’s dress. She must look good. She shrugged the attention off and let Masoto usher her to the bar. She ordered a top shelf whiskey neat and nursed the drink gently as different cinema professionals approached her rapidly throughout the night. She held court at the bar with Masoto by her side, and only stopped networking to have Masoto refill her glass. 

Around midnight, after speaking to the costume director of ‘The Court of Love’, the party started to get fuzzy. She heard the costume director tell Yukari she was going to introduce her to a friend who was a Japanese designer visiting from LA. Yukari put her hand to her head and felt a paralyzing dizziness wash over her. Yukari was a seasoned drinker and this sensation was new to her. She began to grasp at Masoto, to tell him something was wrong and they needed to leave, but then Yukari stumbled into Masoto’s arms and everything went dark. 

Yukari had finally done it. She had reached oblivion. Oblivion was dark, and cool like the ceramic tile of a bathroom floor. It was nice in oblivion.

_Yukari?_

She could hear her name drifting across the winds of the ethosphere. The voice seemed familiar. But she was hiding, so how did he know he would find her here in oblivion? 

_Caroline?_

Caroline? No one called her by that name anymore. Only…

Yukari struggled to open her eyes. Through blurred and swirling vision she opened her eyes and looked at the voice calling her name. 

“George?” She called weakly, the name struggling from her throat and barely escaping her lips. 

She could see his face. She could see his perfect, handsome face and nothing else. She had been alone in the darkness, but now George was there.

“Hi, Yukari.” His face had been worried, but upon hearing her voice he smiled down at her. George was there and he was smiling. She could go back to sleep now. She was safe. She could feel him cradling her body.

The world faded into darkness again and Yukari slipped back into oblivion. She awoke once more when she was sure she was in George’s old convertible again and she could feel the wind rushing against her face. She could barely see him out of the corner of her eye. There was a song playing on the radio.

_Spending all my nights in the world's prettiest lace,_

_I feel like I saw you dead…_

_You’re smiling, but I don’t believe you…”_

Yukari awoke naked in bed the next day, again her bottom undergarments the only clothing adorning her thin body. She winced at the light making contact with her now fully opened eyes. The ParaKiss dress was folded neatly next to her on her nightstand. Had last night been a dream? Had she only imagined George’s gentle hands lifting the dress over her body, of his deft and nimble fingers skimming lightly over her pale skin? Her head throbbed. She hadn’t been hungover like this in a really long time. 

“Yukari? Are you awake?” Yukari heard a soft voice coming from the doorway. It was Shigeko. She held a glass of water and walked slowly towards Yukari. She was in her pajamas. Yukari pulled the covers over her naked body and sat up. She accepted the glass of water. 

“Shigeko, what are you doing here?” Shigeko’s face was pinched and filled with anxiety. 

“I was worried about you. You weren’t answering your phone and your friend let me in.” _A friend...had George stayed with her all night?_ “He seemed nice.” Shigeko looked down at the papers she was holding on her lap. 

“Why were you worried about me?” Shigeko wouldn’t make eye contact. She handed Yukari one of the papers on her lap. It was today’s newspaper. 

“I guess you haven’t seen the papers yet.” Shigeko sighed despondently. “Oh Yukari, they’re awful. Like, really really terrible.” 

Yukari felt panic and shame fire through her nerves all at once as she stared at the photos of her in the paper. There were pictures of her from the party in the newspaper. There were photos of her taking multi-colored shots, photos of her kissing Masoto, and a photo of her unconscious on the bathroom floor of the director’s house. Yukari gasped. The largest photo, dead center front page, was of Yukari leaning over the bar, snorting cocaine off of the polished wood. Yukari felt bile surge through her throat and she ran to the bathroom, vomiting into the porcelain toilet bowl. _No...this can’t be happening!_ Yukari’s heart was pounding out of her chest. Had George seen her like that? He must have. What would Hiro think when he saw the papers today? Shame shot through Yukari and she vomited again. Her perfectly curated image had been ruined in one night. Years and years of hard work and dedication had now been ruined. Her career was over. She could hear Shigeko’s voice behind her. 

“Masoto called and he’s on his way up.” Shigeko handed Yukari a large t-shirt and brought another glass of water to her, placing it next to Yukari on the floor. Yukari pulled the shirt over her head and leaned her head back against the bathroom wall. 

The front door to Yukari’s apartment slammed open and shut, and Yukari could feel the apartment shake from the force. 

“I’ll kill the bastard who took those photos!” Masoto’s voice boomed through the apartment. He found Yukari and Shigeko in the rest room and took a seat beside Yukari on the rim of the clawfoot tub. “I mean it Yukari, when I find out who took those photos I’m gonna kill ‘em.” Yukari pulled her knees to her chest and laid her head against them. 

“It doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters now. My career is ruined.” She felt tears begin to fall from her eyes and flow onto her cheeks. “How could you let me do it, Masoto? You knew I was done with coke and you still gave it to me!” Yukari cried. “And now everyone knows who I really am!” Masoto hung his head low. 

“Yukari, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know someone was taking photos. We were both drunk and you asked for some coke and I thought you had changed your mind. If I had known this was gonna happen I would have never given it to you, I swear.” He placed a hand on the back of Yukari’s raven-haired head and stroked it. “Believe me, I feel bad enough already. That blue-haired guy who took you home really laid into me last night, talking about how it seemed like you had been drugged and that I should take better care of you. And he’s right. It’s my part of my job to take care of you and I failed. Damn it!” Masoto pounded his fist into his leg. “But I won’t let this happen again. I think I know how we can fix this. I have an idea.” Yukari doubted even Masoto could make this right. Had George really said that Masoto? Did he really care about Yukari still after all of these years? Had she really been drugged? She had known of other women who had been drugged in the industry, but she never thought it would happen to her. It made sense. The dizziness, the blackout, the deep unconsciousness. Had a stranger drugged her at the party for a quick photo op? So they could sell the photos of her to the press and make a fortune? Yukari felt a shiver go down her spine and she vomited again. She felt violated. Masoto kept talking. “We need to get out of Tokyo and let things die down in Japan for a while. Once another big scandal pops up, everyone will forget about you and we’ll be able to get back to work.” Yukari wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“But where would we go?” Masoto smiled slightly. 

“I already got us tickets, for you, me, and Shigeko, if she’ll join us.” Yukari knitted her brows in confusion. Masoto continued. ”We’re going to LA, baby! Every celebrity there has multiple coke photos. It’s a right of passage there. Plus, you can keep working in LA.” 

Yukari took a moment to think. As much as she hated to admit it, Masoto’s plan made sense. She just needed to lay low for a little bit in a new city and then she could come back to Japan and start working again. She smiled weakly at Shigeko.

“Are you coming with us, Shigeko?” Shigeko nodded firmly. 

“My bags are already packed. Masoto had told me about the plan earlier this morning.” Yukari’s heart clenched. She couldn’t imagine navigating this mess without her team. She was grateful to have them on her side. She looked at Masoto. 

“When’s our flight?”


End file.
